Management Conference Guest Gifts

'Ben, we need a fresh perspective. We'd like you to keynote this year's management conference.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Who's got the hammer?"

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Inclusive speech

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Fish and color

"I love these off-site business meetings."