Healthcare Conference Gifts

"If all this healthcare debate makes my head explode, will our current plan cover it?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Waiting for the vaccine launch."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

A midwife holding a baby

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'