Conference Organizers Gifts

'Are 3-D, high definition webinars really necessary?'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Face painting.

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Face painting by numbers.

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"Please hold applause until end of dragon."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

We Have A Lot To Cover.....

Conference Pears

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

"Tia Carmen, if you had a bucket list, what would you put in it?"

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'And in conclusion.'

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

'Yeah, you have lips like Mick Jagger ... ok, back to the teleconference.'

Extra Long-jump

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'