Job Market Realists Gifts

'Let's enrol on the last one. We've more chance of getting a job doing that these days.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Recession

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

Someone loses his pension.

Now hiring.

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

Personnel. Portions of my resume have been redacted for national security reasons.

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"We pay the living dead wage."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."