Workplace Realist Gifts

Boss to man: 'I know you're doing the best you can. The best I can do is fire you.'

"I think all who signed this critical note are real winners, since I assume you won the lottery."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"You can't be fed up. You've only been working here three days."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Someone loses his pension.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'You suck.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

'With only one sick day left, your boss wishes you a speedy recovery.'

'What happens in the board room stays in the board room, Hawkins!'

"Did you make the short list?"

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."