Business Realist Gifts

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"Over the hill? You were never on a hill."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

World Production.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

Ethics (with an eye on the bottom line) committee.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'

'Kids, come quick! Santa's been here and he left all kinds of super expensive, super cheap stuff!'

Blood is thicker than water. Oil is thicker yet.

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"Life is full of transitions...like from student loan to credit card debt."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Denny was getting concerned about the company's recent downsizing.