Recruitment Realist Gifts

'A word of advice, Kowalski. Avoid using the term 'cannon-fodder.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

World Production.

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Very Presidential."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"You're the woman of one of my dreams."