Motivation Realist Gifts

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Recession

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

US Dollar weakens.

Squeezing a tight budget...

Inbox and Outbox

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Goodbye cruel world."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

'The bad news is that the dollar is down -- the good news is that nobody seems to have any.'

"I need the saw again."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."