Renting Realist Gifts

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

'Will you marry me if I can get funding?'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"You never chase me through back yards anymore."

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"I appreciate couples therapy, but I can't stop fantasizing about group therapy."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

"You can't expect me to be dependable all the time!"

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"Don't wag your tail. It shows you're desperate."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."