Renting Realist T-Shirts

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

The point in every relationship, when annoying habits become intolerable...

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Will you marry me if I can get funding?'

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"You never chase me through back yards anymore."

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"I appreciate couples therapy, but I can't stop fantasizing about group therapy."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

'This is George, my divorce lawyer from a previous marriage.'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"You can't expect me to be dependable all the time!"

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"We really need to have our rugs vacuumed professionally one of these days."

"Don't wag your tail. It shows you're desperate."

'Dave, why did we marry?' 'You wanted part of the paper.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'It is better to have lost at love with a good prenuptial agreement.'