Realists T-Shirts

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Truth in Parenthood

I didn't realize a dose of reality had so many adverse side effects!

'I thought opportunity was knocking. Turned out, it was the wolf.'

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

'Hey... all I want is a fair chance for a fresh start, okay?'

Poor Man Who Thinks Big...

"Years are like my previous five marriages. You welcome them with big expectations, but you end hating them."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Tired Barbie

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

New from Low-Key Press.

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

Inbox and Outbox

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.