Modern Realist T-Shirts

". . . And if they weren't killed during World War III, or by climate change, or from obesity related heart-attacks. . . . then they are probably alive today. Living in old age poverty."

'Thanks, but I'd like to do this without performance enhancers.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Characters jumping out of a book.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

Tired Barbie

"My computer just texted me."

Unconditional Loveseat

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"