Real Estate Realist Gifts

Sound Apartment

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"If we can't afford to move...you can do some redecorating."

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."