Home Pricing Realist Gifts

"It's 'affordable' if you can afford it."

'I remember when all this was fields.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

'If you don't want a lot of column upkeep, this probably isn't a good real estate market for you.'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

Real Estate Life

Home seller has given up after reducing price many times.

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

'Could you show me something in my price range.'

"I love what you've done to the house."

'It's not my fault sales are down. The economy has made buyers homeophobic.'

'Yes, we do sell affordable homes, if you happen to be Donald Trump.'

'How are house sales going? I'm phoning down for the latest figures.'

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

"Looks like rent-a-mob's arrived."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"Pleased to meet you neighbour! I'm the first wave of gentrification."

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

"I decided to cut out the pretense and get to the point!"

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.