Home Pricing Realist Pillows

"It's 'affordable' if you can afford it."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'I remember when all this was fields.'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

'If you don't want a lot of column upkeep, this probably isn't a good real estate market for you.'

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

Real Estate Life

Home seller has given up after reducing price many times.

"Pleased to meet you neighbour! I'm the first wave of gentrification."

'Yes, we do sell affordable homes, if you happen to be Donald Trump.'

'It's not my fault sales are down. The economy has made buyers homeophobic.'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"I love what you've done to the house."

'Could you show me something in my price range.'

"Their entire friendship is based on regret over property they SHOULD have bought when it was affordable."

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

'How are house sales going? I'm phoning down for the latest figures.'

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

'That use to work, Dorothy ... but now you need at least 20% down.'

"I decided to cut out the pretense and get to the point!"

'Good news! We've got a buyer.'

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.

'Of course, the base price doesn't include the many upgrades available.'