Home Value Hustler Pillows

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

The housing market begins to deflate.

"Well he's sweating, pale, and out of breath, but then again he's not used to being home doing the housework."

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

"We were leasing land to a guy running a truffle farm in france. He skipped out, but we were able to recover some of his assets."

Estate agents jockeying for position with sale boards

'Damp. What damp?'

For sale

'Makes you look slimmer.'

"My parents said I could move back into my old room, but they forgot to mention they sold the house 7 years ago."

Man motivated by money, rabbit motivated by carrot.

"Well, kids, mom and I finally bought a condo on a golf course!"

Homeless elderly parents - 'Isn't it nice that our kids are finally on the property ladder?'

'Sir...I have a couple here who claim to be first time buyers! What do I do?'

And it's only a stone's throw from the local school.

"It's 'affordable' if you can afford it."

'Hard Day?'

"I guess I shouldn't complain. At least he has steady work."

'It even has tiny for sale signs on the windows.'

'I know it's late, but if you want to sell your house I have to show it when it's convenient to the buyers.'

The Movers Strip - Airport at the end of the garden.

'And this is the anti-gravitational room.'

"I'm bucking the trend. I'm moving into my parents' attic."

"I've finally found my calling..."

'I also do taxes.'

"The flat was really cheap, but we forgot to check our the 'rights of way'."

'I'm not moving to this area - it's full of miserable estate agents.'

"I decided to start flipping houses."