Home Value Hustler Pillows

"My neighbor's house got TPed, and doubled in value."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

'I won't lie, it can get windy here.'

"Well he's sweating, pale, and out of breath, but then again he's not used to being home doing the housework."

The housing market begins to deflate.

'Being afraid to buy a house doesn't make you homeophobic.'

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

"We were leasing land to a guy running a truffle farm in france. He skipped out, but we were able to recover some of his assets."

Estate agents jockeying for position with sale boards

For sale

'Makes you look slimmer.'

'Damp. What damp?'

"My parents said I could move back into my old room, but they forgot to mention they sold the house 7 years ago."

Man motivated by money, rabbit motivated by carrot.

"Well, kids, mom and I finally bought a condo on a golf course!"

Homeless elderly parents - 'Isn't it nice that our kids are finally on the property ladder?'

'Hard Day?'

'Sir...I have a couple here who claim to be first time buyers! What do I do?'

"It's 'affordable' if you can afford it."

And it's only a stone's throw from the local school.

"I guess I shouldn't complain. At least he has steady work."

'And this is the anti-gravitational room.'

'It even has tiny for sale signs on the windows.'

The Movers Strip - Airport at the end of the garden.

'I know it's late, but if you want to sell your house I have to show it when it's convenient to the buyers.'

'I'm not moving to this area - it's full of miserable estate agents.'

"I've finally found my calling..."

"I'm bucking the trend. I'm moving into my parents' attic."

"The flat was really cheap, but we forgot to check our the 'rights of way'."

'I also do taxes.'

"I decided to start flipping houses."