Realty Realist Pillows

"Well, if that's your only concern, I suggest you simply make an offer conditional upon the removal of all monsters."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'We'll take it!'

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

For sale. Prime space under Jimmy's bed.

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Open House of Horrors

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Not to mention the park view."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"City kids."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

"Talk about energy efficient...every lightbulb in this house will outlive you!"

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"