Realtor Pillows

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

Dog Realtor

"First time buyers have always been my favorite clients."

'Now before you get all upset, I got ten percent above market value.'

'This is my dream house alright, but in my dream it was about half this price.'

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

"When I said it might sell faster if you put in a new driveway, I meant if you repaved the old one."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

For Sale, just to find the true value.

'And in addition to a great room, this home has a cool room,super duper room and a totally awesome room.'

The good old days of banking: 'Ok. . . now comes the tricky part.'

"Three bedrooms, living room, dining room, and a little room to negotiate."

'Ready?!'

'And this is the walk-in fireplace... I'd be careful with that.'

"Obviously the price of this property is a reflection of it`s very desirable location."

'They accepted your offer!!'

"The listing said it's only one block from the beach!"

'... And with a little imagination, the workshop and reindeer stables could easily be converted into additional bedrooms.'

'Would you mind holding my printer, my other phone is ringing!'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'This takes the guesswork out of choosing the site for our new headquarters.'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'Brick is overrated. Let me show you something in sticks or straw.'

Valentines for Real Estate

'The owners like big Christmas trees.'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

Realtor from the Black Lagoon

"Can we close before the next Fed meeting?"

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

Sketchy Real Estate Agent

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'