Homeowner Realist Gifts

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"That doesn't look like setting the table to me."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

'What do you mean, you forgot about the coalmining search?'

I hurt my back and then a pipe broke flooding my house

'It has to have big living room, he has a sixty inch rock.'

Americans More Optimistic

Real Estate Life

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Homeowner please help."

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

"We have a termite problem."

We have enough money to build it, but nothing left for furniture. Never start something you can't furnish!