Homeowners Gifts

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'I guess I should have paid the foundation bill.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"The pH level seems a little off."

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

"Your dream of a house with a white picket fence is still feasible, at least for the picket fence."