Home Owning Gifts

'Very impressive spread, Father.' 'Son, some day this will all be yours, and hopefully, if I make all the payments and live long enough, it may even be mine... briefly.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

Yard Sale

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"