Modern Home Owner Gifts

Beware of the... doorbell camera

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Yard Sale

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"The pH level seems a little off."

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

Man and dog on their hover boards.

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.