Modern Home Enthusiast Gifts

"My computer crashed, and took the TV and the refrigerator with it!"

'If you don't have a TV, what do you arrange your furniture around?'

'What would it cost to change it into a one-way glass house?'

"I didn't spark joy."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Living together, couple in love.

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

'Decorating on a shoestring'

'Here's a house that needs fixing up. Are you handy with money?'

'So this is a kitchen!'

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

'I just love what you've done with the kitty litter box.'

"This is your breakfast nook and over there next to the refrigerator is your breakfast cranny."

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

"The building is fully renovated with VR in every unit...let's put these on to view the kitchen."

Another over-do-it-yourself project.

"Nice, but it's still a fish bowl. We'd like something with a little more privacy."

"Every appliance, every light, every bit of electronics in the house is controlled by a single remote that I haven't yet been able to find."

Homeowners.

"I think our 'Smart TV' might have overheard us..."

"My husband, of course, will want a den."

Coming Home

'Ladder and Literary Mishaps on the Rise.'

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."