Homeowner Couple Gifts

"I was proud of our house until we came here and found out how many things are wrong with it."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Domestic Goddess.

Hungry child

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Home Business - Electric Stapler.

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Washing Line Walker

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

The household cavalry

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

"The pH level seems a little off."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."