Homeowner Friend Gifts

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

'Health on Wheels' checks the health of a house

"The second camera records anyone trying to disable the first camera."

"I was gonna get slip covers for the furniture but then I thought, What the heck, I'll just do the whole house"

'One good thing about this place is that I can honestly say I own everything as far as the eye can see.'

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"When I bought, they called it a fixer-upper. After ten years and $175,000 worth of renovations, it's now called a tear-down."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

"Don't even think about it."

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

''I couldn't wait any longer.''

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"I'm no expert but I think global worming would be a good thing."

"Sorry - my dog is at the vet. This one is a loaner."

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

2 cows in a boat, about to go over a waterfall: Hang on a minute...or was it cats that had the 9 lives?

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

A cock up of builders

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"The pH level seems a little off."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"He ran out of pee."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

I can't afford to pay for Fluffy's spay...

'He took a fetching class.'