Friends Who Are Homeowners Gifts

Home Improvement

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

A cock up of builders

"I aways thought it would be stylish to live in a house with high ceilings."

"The pH level seems a little off."

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

So, what brings you two here today? Amanda Kern. Comics counseling.

'Polly doesn't want a cracker, Polly wants a condo in Florida.'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

CHEZ MOI - formerly CHEZ NOUS

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'