Homeowner Hero Gifts

Just Paid Off Our Mortgage

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'Caw blimey!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Dummies Books.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

The household cavalry

'I'm so excited to be remodeling the bathroom'

'Quick, press control Z!'

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Look! It's superwoman...and all her assistants!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"The pH level seems a little off."

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.