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Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"That doesn't look like setting the table to me."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"The pH level seems a little off."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

'What do you mean, you forgot about the coalmining search?'

'It has to have big living room, he has a sixty inch rock.'

"I was proud of our house until we came here and found out how many things are wrong with it."

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

"We have a termite problem."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

Real Estate Life

"Homeowner please help."