Realist Job Seeker Gifts

Next time you apply for a job you might think about pretending to be someone else

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Someone loses his pension.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

Inbox and Outbox

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life: 'The pay is good, but the pressure here...'

"Did you make the short list?"

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'Let's enrol on the last one. We've more chance of getting a job doing that these days.'

The Dungeon

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"