Career Realist Gifts

'Ahh...I see your future. Get up, go to work, go to bed. Get up, go to work, go to bed. Get...'

"My career doesn't reflect what my passions are as much as where my health insurance is."

Liberal Arts Diploma.

"I'm hoping an internship will lead to full-time copying."

"I know it's only a part-time, unpaid, work-experience job but if you work hard it could become a full-time unpaid work-experience job."

'The good news is, you'll never have to worry about being overqualified for any job...'

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"I wasn't always a big success in business. In fact, I'm still not."

"First time I've ever seen 'humdrum' in a job description."

"On the upside, you still have a couple of months' accrued vacation pay."

"Apart from being an avaricious self-serving psychopath do you have any other qualities that qualify you for working here?"

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

"Did you make the short list?"

"What's it to be then... a highly-skilled tradesman on low pay or a poorly trained CEO on high pay?"

Someone loses his pension.

'Do we flip a coin to see which one gets the job?'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'But when you decided to go into psychiatry didn't you REALIZE that you'd be ‘surrounded by idiots'?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

'I can't promote you, Henry. Who would anchor the totem pole that is Yomp and sons?'

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life: 'The pay is good, but the pressure here...'

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

'Finally...my amazing journey aside, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce my lawn mowing and baby sitting service...'

"We can't offer you the satisfaction of a gratifying career, but how does a paid week off and dental sound?"

"It's not really a promotion – more like a lateral move."

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

"Next up is Alex's dad who's going to tell us all about the job that he has and feels desperately trapped in."

"This company has a low turnover because our employees give up on their dreams once they start working here."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"How do you feel about working a four-day week?"

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'