Research Realist Gifts

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"...until death do you a favor."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

World Production.

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Very Presidential."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."