Research Realist Pillows

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

World Production.

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"Very Presidential."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.