Job Market Critic Gifts

"What we're looking for is somebody of about twenty five with forty years' experience."

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

"So you're looking for a well paid, non job - how about trying a government quango?"

'It's a privilege to work for us, so we charge a fee to work here. The good news is there's plenty of overtime.'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

Snotty MBAs

Will work for question marks.

'Cum Laude Graduate: Need to hire a resume consultant in order to 'Dumb Down.''

'I need somebody just like the guy I fired.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'All this identity theft is making my job very difficult!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

Stock market investment advice

Why markets crash.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The world's most unemployable family

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Now hiring.

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'