Job Market Commentator Gifts

'FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?'

Temp Agency - Foreign Sweatshops now hiring!

Today's Specials

Disloyal

'No, I'm not going to fire you. But I am going to try to sell you on eBay.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I was afraid I would be replaced by a computer but not by a toaster oven for the staff lounge.'

"We pay the living dead wage."

"The only safe space this company has is down the street at the unemployment office."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Now hiring.

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"