Employment Commentary Gifts

'I'm getting used to the ball and chain. At least it's job security.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

My brilliant career

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"We pay the living dead wage."

Nothing to Lose

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

'Of course it's not your fault, Smedley, but someone has to accept the responsibility.'

"You've got to eat less because of your small wage? Well, that's our company health care plan!"

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

'I was afraid I would be replaced by a computer but not by a toaster oven for the staff lounge.'

"Papi, when I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

'Maybe we are micro-managing a bit too much.'

'Norton, you'll never be a great success until you get a smaller cellphone and a bigger automobile.'

EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'While my reserve unit was guarding the Iraqi border, an illegal alien took my job.'

This company has enough clowns.

'. . . but I didn't belong to the union, so a scab stole my job!!'

Flunkey asking for a larger salary and not happy to be compared to a lower order of clergy

'I've gotten reports several of our employees are trying to make us look bad by applying for food stamps.'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

110% Job Performance.

"Baldo, you deserve this raise. But please don't tell anybody what I'm paying you."

Career Opportunities of the Future

"Of course we pay a living wage....as long as you only live four days a week!"