Employment Industry Critic Gifts

Career Opportunities of the Future

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

"We pay the living dead wage."

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

'In the modern world manufacturing takes place in China. Most R&D is one in South Korea and support and logistics is based in India.'

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

Big oil.

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

ASDA Redundancies

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"It's little Pharma. Want some baby aspirin?"

'I was afraid I would be replaced by a computer but not by a toaster oven for the staff lounge.'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

Will work for question marks.

Flowers of Pollution

"Well, since it has become common knowledge that money never makes people happy, we will no longer be giving out any raises."