Job Market Critics Gifts

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

How are you at decision making?

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

The world's most unemployable family

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

Now hiring.

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

Personnel. Portions of my resume have been redacted for national security reasons.

Fired Big Shots Who's Who.

'Your prowess as a mouser got you this job. You're needed in the break area right away.'