Job Market Ironist Gifts

"I'd love to give up my covid unemployment benefits to come work for you at $12 an hour. . !"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

How are you at decision making?

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

The world's most unemployable family

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

Fired Big Shots Who's Who.

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"We pay the living dead wage."

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'Evolution sounds good in theory, but what if we get overqualifed?'