Job Market Philosopher Gifts

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

'A masters in nutrition, Ph.D. in biochemistry - you'll be perfect for writing our labels.'

Fired Big Shots Who's Who.

'I hear that the Pope has resigned, can I have a application form...?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Now hiring.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

"That's not how we go about filling a C.E.O. position."

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"We pay the living dead wage."