Job Hunting Philosopher Gifts

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

Good Luck!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

How are you at decision making?

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

Motivation to work

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'Think of this as a window of opportunity.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'