Career Gap Philosopher Gifts

Personnel. What do I call those gaps in my work history? Quality time.

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"One year closer to college!"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Motivation to work

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

The role of administration.

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"Just go with the workflow."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"