Career Gap Philosopher Pillows

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"One year closer to college!"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

Motivation to work

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

The role of administration.

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'