Job Interview Philosopher Gifts

'I want someone who is smart, cunning and ruthless, but also someone who is too dumb to try for my job.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Motivation to work

'Yes, can I help you?'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

'The job calls for a little filing now and then...'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

How are you at decision making?

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

A very young man being hired as a groom.