Job Interviewing Gifts

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'We're looking for someone who's comfortable taking risks.'

"I must say, that was a very detailed answer to my 'where do you see yourself in five years' question."

'When push comes to shove, I want people who'll push.'

'For the last 15 years, I've been working in the financial services sector - whatever that means.'

Special Skills? Turning water into wine.

'We are looking for a candidate that has an eye for detail, at least until we set up a quality control department.'

'You don't know about production, customers and service... well, you'll fit the administration department perfectly!'

"I can do thirty five words a minute."

"Where do you see yourself in 150 years?"

"You resume states, 'My only good quality is I purr'. Could you go into that a little more?"

"You have everything we're looking for except for being downloadable."

'You don't improve your chances by writing your resume in crayon.'

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here? Mr Lupo?'

'I always like to interview job applicants eye-to-eye.'

"Well, I've been a hot dog, pizza slice, cheeseburger, and popcorn bucket, but no, I don't have any burrito experience."

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

'What are frills and luxuries, that you've earmarked as needs, doing on your application?'

On paper, all applicants were very impressive. . . but clearly some were more experienced than others!

"Any outstanding qualities besides great posture?"

"You did good on the true or false part of your application, but your essay was a little weak."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'How fast can you hype?'

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."