Job Interviews Gifts

"I gotta tell ya, these embezzlement convictions raise a red flag."

'We only hire people who are willing to take on more than they can handle.'

'I believe the courts have recently ruled that asking questions of an applicant, during an interview, is illegal.'

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'My former boss will tell you I tend to say inappropriate things. But that's because he's an uptight jerk like you.'

'Since we're a startup, we were hoping you would pay us to work here.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'We have an opening that will suit you perfectly. It's marked Exit.'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

WWGlobal Personnel: 'Do you work well under pressure!'

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"Any other skills?"

The back of a boss' desk which reads 'Focus'.

'Other than the fact that you have large mortgage, automobile and credit card payments to make, why do you want to work here?'

'What made you want to apply to this accountancy firm in particular?'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"In five years, I see myself with the same job title, about the same salary, and significantly more responsibilities."

'We look for someone willing to work for a higher sense of purpose since we can't offer money.'

'Oh, I've already found a natural born leader. Now I'm looking for someone to follow blindly.'

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

"As a company, and as individuals, we are without irony. Will that bother you?"

"How do you feel about doing time?"

'This is a marketing position for 'Which?' magazine.'

"Now, would you consider yourself more of a Gurl Boss, a She-E-O, or a Mompreneur?"

'Do you have any previous experience as a Pope?'

'Do you have any other references besides Mr. Boo Boo?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Good resume, but I just can't see you working here.'

"So, tell me. What makes you think you'll be a good drone pilot? "