Job Interviews Gifts

"I gotta tell ya, these embezzlement convictions raise a red flag."

'We only hire people who are willing to take on more than they can handle.'

'I believe the courts have recently ruled that asking questions of an applicant, during an interview, is illegal.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Mentoring requires many sophisticates qualities and skills...'

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

'My former boss will tell you I tend to say inappropriate things. But that's because he's an uptight jerk like you.'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'Since we're a startup, we were hoping you would pay us to work here.'

'We have an opening that will suit you perfectly. It's marked Exit.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

WWGlobal Personnel: 'Do you work well under pressure!'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"Any other skills?"

The back of a boss' desk which reads 'Focus'.

'What made you want to apply to this accountancy firm in particular?'

'Other than the fact that you have large mortgage, automobile and credit card payments to make, why do you want to work here?'

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

'Oh, I've already found a natural born leader. Now I'm looking for someone to follow blindly.'

"In five years, I see myself with the same job title, about the same salary, and significantly more responsibilities."

'We look for someone willing to work for a higher sense of purpose since we can't offer money.'

'It says here you were finance manager for your fellow inmates on cell block 3. This does raise other concerns.'

'This is a marketing position for 'Which?' magazine.'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

"Now, would you consider yourself more of a Gurl Boss, a She-E-O, or a Mompreneur?"

'Good resume, but I just can't see you working here.'

'Do you have any other references besides Mr. Boo Boo?'

"As a company, and as individuals, we are without irony. Will that bother you?"

"How do you feel about doing time?"

'Do you have any previous experience as a Pope?'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'