Job Market Guru Gifts

Thankless jobs...always hiring!

"I've got an opening for a project manager in a corporation that will chew you up and spit you back out on the street in record time. Interested?"

'...but according to your DNA, you'd be much better at smelting.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

For sale

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

Now hiring.

'You will have no hope of recognition or advancement. That's why you'll be underpaid.'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"