Job Market Skeptics Gifts

'I was successful in meeting expectations by lowering them during the job interview.'

"I'd like to return my degree. It's not working for me."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Dolestart - A New Initiative

The world's most unemployable family

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Now hiring.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"