Job Market Skeptics Gifts

'I was successful in meeting expectations by lowering them during the job interview.'

"I'd like to return my degree. It's not working for me."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The world's most unemployable family

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'