Job Skeptic Gifts

"We've got a vacancy for a church mouse, if you're interested?"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Wagner, if I paid you what you're worth, you'd be working for nothing!'

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

"Looks like you're quite the wheeler and dealer... unfortunately we're only hiring movers and shakers."

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

"We're going to be forced to give up something, and I reckon the something is you."

'I was successful in meeting expectations by lowering them during the job interview.'

"You don't even look good on paper."

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

"Sometimes I think I'm a victim of the 'Peter principle', I reached my real competence level some time ago..."

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

'Keep the windows closed. We don't like to encourage office romances.'

'I heard rumours you're outsourcing my job to India.'

Insecurity Guards

"I'd like to return my degree. It's not working for me."

"We're 'skilled labor'. That's more than what we can say about management."

'My dad says job security and company loyalty are an urban myth.'

"Have you thought about continuing to be a downtrodden member of the underclass?"

"Yeah, I'm a self-made man. I lied on all my resumes and bluffed my way to the top."

"Nope. I'm not falling for another Pyramid Scheme."

"It's a fabulous deal. You'll make peanuts."