Job Security Skeptic Gifts

'I heard rumours you're outsourcing my job to India.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"We're going to be forced to give up something, and I reckon the something is you."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

Redundancies

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

I don't like the looks of this.

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'