Job Security Enthusiast Gifts

'I've just been laid off. Is it too late to sign that union card you were telling me about?'

Johnson was happy when his temporary contract was extended.

'Henderson, give me a million good reasons why I shouldn't fire you.'

"Hi, I'm the new you."

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"